Update on my health

I've been trying to find a way to update everyone on my page about my health but didn't want to do it through Facebook. So rather, I'm doing it through Blogger and will post the link on Facebook. Ironic, I know. 

The past year has been a very difficult year for me, jobwise and healthwise. I started my first year as a middle school teacher thrust into the job with very little support and no preparation. I completed my comprehensive exams for my masters degree and then started working two days later, moving everything from Beaumont into my new apartment in Waco before I started my new job. It was a very hectic couple months as I tried to get settled in and into a rhythm. It was very difficult and stressful. Having a kidney disease and high blood pressure, the stress really got to me towards the middle of the school year. I had 4 upper respiratory infections (all of which required strong antibotics), a horrible stomach bug, and several head colds from October 2015 to May 2016. Needless to say, I was so ready for the school year to be finished. 

When I went into the doctor's office for my third URI, I had requested my doctor to do labwork on my blood and see how I'm doing. So we proceeded to do that and I was optimistic that everything was good. A few days after the lab was sent, I got the results from my doctor saying that I needed to see a nephrologist immediately. The last time I had seen a nephrologist was over a decade ago, when my IgA neuropathy seemed to have leveled off. So I was referred to a nephrologist the following week. 

For those of you who are not aware of how your kidney functions, I will explain the best way I can. Your kidneys essentially are filters for your blood. The blood is pumped through the kidneys and the impurities and excesses are filtered out into your urine. There is a way of determining how well my kidneys are functioning by looking at my blood, specifically my creatinine levels. Creatinine is a waste product created by metabolism and has to be filtered out into your urine. It's normal to have lower creatinine levels in the blood than in the urine, which makes sense. Based on the bloodwork, my creatinine levels was around 2, while the normal range would be between 0.6 and 1.35. Using this number, they can determine the percent of functionality of my kidneys, which is below 50% at the present moment. After seeing the nephrologist a few times in the past couple months, a kidney biopsy was requested and I checked into the hospital last Tuesday morning for the procedure. It's actually a surgery with a long needle but I've always had the idea that a surgery is when a scalpel is used and it requires me to be put under, which was not the case with me. I was in and out in 15 minutes. Then I had to wait a long week for the results to come back, which seemed like an eon. I finally met with the doctor a week after the biopsy and was hit by some pretty distressing news. My kidneys are slowly progressing due to the build up of scar tissue. IgA neuropathy is the inflammation of the kidneys due to the IgA being blocked up in the capillaries. This happens when I get dehydrated, have a fever, or become sick. So I got sick quite a lot in the last year, which probably played a significant factor in the progression of my kidneys.  There is no cure for the IgA nor is there any way to remove the scar tissue in my kidneys. The doctors gave me some medications to help with the inflammation of the kidneys and try to slow down the progression, if not stop it at all. If the creatinine levels keep climbing, then I will have to prepare for the possibility of starting dialysis or a kidney transplant. 

I have to admit that it hit me pretty hard when the doctor told me this news. I'm 29 years old, in fairly good shape (to which some may disagree), and I work hard. So it just goes to show that it doesn't matter how you live your life, there will always be a few curveballs here and there. I also have to face the fact that I'm not 19 anymore and shouldn't be eating and drinking as I did when I was in high school. I've accepted the fact that my kidneys are not doing very well and I'm preparing myself for the possibilities in the future. I'm only a little worried, because of the whole kidney-being-a-vital-organ and everything. But I'm extremely grateful for is I caught it this early on instead of later when my kidneys have progressed more without medicine or anything else. I'm grateful for my doctor to tell me the cold hard truth about my situation and not sugarcoating it to make me feel better. I'm grateful that I'm still able to do so many things now and not have to limit my activities, which would be very difficult for me to do if it came to that. I'm grateful I have insurance and a stable job to be able to pay for all these things I need. 

My course of action right now is to exercise daily, change my diet, and most importantly, be optimistic. I placed myself on a low sodium and low phosphorus diet, and have eliminated sodas and any drinks that contain high fructose corn syrup, and keeping track of my blood pressure. I've signed up for AllRecipes.com, Yummly.com, DaVita.com, and occasionally look through Pintrest for any recipes that are good for patients with Chronic Kidney Disease. As a result, the past few days, I've had more energy than before. Blood pressure is slowing decreasing and I'm feeling less tired in the day. I'm sleeping through the night more and surprisingly I haven't been craving sodas at all in the last 2 days. Those of you who know me so well know I cannot go a day without a Dr. Pepper or a Coke. It's going to be a tough few weeks as I get used to the new lifestyle, but like I said before, I'm very optimistic that I can stabilize the progression, or at least hold off everything for a while longer.

Being a Christian has a lot of advantages and faith in our Physician is one of them. There is nothing too great for Him and there is nothing too hard for me to handle with His help. 

Happy Veteran's Day

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. It’s been even longer since I’ve actually sat down and thought about the important things in life. It all comes down to today, Veteran’s Day. While this day is dedicated to those who have perished in battle, who have served countless years, and who are currently overseas, risking their lives for the well being of others, there is a battle that cannot be seen nor heard, and many become causalities of this invisible combat.

Military-wise, there are only two types of people on this earth; those who fight and those who don’t. Those who fight are the ones who spend hours and days and weeks and months training to become a well oiled machine, heartless and tough. This is the criterion for serving the toughest job on earth, because to take a life from another person, you first have to give up yours. Nobody is ever the same when they come back from war. Those who don’t fight, they are warriors nonetheless. The battle they fight may not be a physical one, but it is one that is just as life changing. Soldiers come home and they may have been shot, lost a limb, or have experienced psychological damage that will take a lifetime to recover from. But life is a constant battle between good and evil, and the thing about life is nobody ever makes it out alive.

Because our time on earth is so brief compared to the whole life of this earth, it makes it seem that our lives are insignificant. It’s probably true. Because in the blink of an eye, years have passed, generations are made, buildings torn down and built up, and kingdoms and cities diminished to nothing but dust. Wars have been fought, people died, countries in turmoil, governments overthrown, and money is losing its value. It makes it seem like anything we do is unimportant. But we forget the important thing that we fight for, the only thing that makes this life on earth and the struggles within worth it.

Yes, this is a Christian topic. I will be talking about God and Satan and heaven and hell. But it does not matter whether you believe they are real or not. I believe it and I believe it is my job to warn others about the impending judgment on our souls. But first, I want to make something very clear before I make my point. I am a Christian. I’m not a perfect Christian. I don’t pray everyday. I don’t fast. I don’t always tithe. I don’t read the Bible in my spare time. My relationship with Christ is an ongoing construction and I try daily to make it a better one. But because I’m human, I’ve often failed. I admit that it’s a struggle sometimes because it’s hard to believe in something that cannot be seen. It’s all based on faith. If you stop and think about it for a minute, the soldiers out there whose blood are spilled on the ground, they did not see the impact they’ve made on our lives. They could not see what they were doing for us, yet they were willing to give up their lives for it. The idea of what they were fighting for is what drives them into battle. That kind of attitude is what all Christians should adopt and nurture daily. Ask a soldier you know if it was easy to fight for their country, and I can almost guarantee they will say no. Being a Christian is not about just love, peace, and happy thoughts. You don’t get warm, fuzzy feelings when you accept Jesus into your heart. It’s not like when you drink hot chocolate on a cold morning and the warmth goes down your body and into your arms and legs. Many think this is what happens but it doesn’t. The only thing that changes is your conscience. Your conscience becomes overwhelmed and you feel that you are completely worthless and there’s no way God will accept you. I believe this is the reason why many new Christians relapse to their old ways. They don’t think God will take sin-stained person. So the difference after you become a Christian is you acknowledge you are fighting a battle and you are completely and utterly helpless without Christ.

This is not directed to the Christians I know and this is not to make the unbelievers feel judged or hated on. This is directed to any person who will read this and take heart to the important message I am delivering to you.

To be a Christian is not about going to church every Sunday in your best clothes. To be a Christian is not about denying yourself the pleasures of this world. To be a Christian is not about who sings “Amazing Grace” without any mistakes. Ultimately, to be a Christian is not about just doing good things and thinking that is enough to get into heaven. The fact is nothing you ever will do or plan to do or even think about doing will be enough to go to heaven. The attitude that many Christians adopt is that if they do good deeds and go to church every Sunday and talk to their Christian friends about how great God is, then they will be given passage through the pearly gates. If that is what you are thinking right now, I’m sorry to say that you’re wrong.

If you read the New Testament, specifically the four books known as the Gospel, then you will notice that Jesus is anything but a typical Christian. Jesus never dressed up nicely or sang songs that we know of. He didn’t give money to the temples nor did he criticize anyone for not doing so. Nowadays, we see people protest the government and organizations because they believed what they were doing were wrong. Jesus was not that kind of person. He never judged anyone and he never harmed anyone. He never rejected someone because they weren’t good enough. He forgave a prostitute, healed a man with leprosy, granted a dying thief a way into heaven, and he forgave his disciples who doubted him. Every thing this man did was a symbol of love and he had not a single iota of hatred in him. Yet many Christians today believe they are doing the right thing but in reality, their attitude is wrong. If Jesus came to earth today and saw what was happening to his people, he would be disappointed. He should be disappointed, but being who he is, he still loves us anyway.

I’ve had a discussion with a friend of mine about the dangers of religion and tradition. While it is okay to practice a religion and to adhere to tradition, it is important that the two are separate. They are not the same thing. If we allow tradition to become our religion, then our religion becomes meaningless. Jesus doesn’t care about tradition. He doesn’t care about religion. From what I’ve been seeing, religion just divides people instead of uniting them. And if we practice our traditions as religion, then we become more susceptible to Satan, who loves to make people believe that we are doing the right thing. That is why Christians who truly follow Christ are in an ongoing battle that only ends when they die. To accept Christ is to not receive a way out of the bad stuff in our lives. To accept Christ is to allow him to help fight our way through it.

So if you are a Christian, consider yourself to be a warrior. Some wear a beaten countenance, received from years of relentless battles with Satan. Others are barely scathed, as they are rookies to the battlefield. God does not call those who are able to fight a battle. He transforms them into a mighty warrior, clothed in the whole armor of God.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT)

¹⁰A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹²For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

¹³Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will be standing firm. ¹⁴Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

John Mayer vs. the World

One of my favorite songs is "Waiting on the World to Change." I first learned about it on the Deaf Performing Arts Network website and fell in love with it the first time I watched the music video. If you are interested in watching it, the website is www.d-pan.org.

John Mayer writes in the song about how the world needs to change. One person cannot do the work themselves so rather than working on it, they prefer to wait and let the world change on its own. I believe this song has two perspectives; a satiric view and an inspirational view. Waiting on the world to change could mean, in a satire, that people are too lazy to make an impact in this world. They give their minimal effort, brush their hands off, and say "Well, I tried my best." But to the Deaf community, this has a powerful message, one that is much different than previously stated.

I cannot count how many times I've been pitied because I could not hear. At work, I've been told that it's sad I cannot hear music or how great a sacrifice it is not to be able to hear. Countless times, I wanted to burst out and scream, "You ignorant person! Can't you see? Can't you just open your eyes and see?!" But I've never been good with confrontations and always responded with a shrug and nonexpressional half-smile and pray they pick a new subject to talk about. But I was driving home from school and asked myself that if I had the ability to tell the next person what I think and I answered my question in my head. I then felt the need to write it down on something and show it to the world, or just the small little group of friends who are willing to read my uninteresting thoughts.

For many years, people have looked at the Deaf as the less fortunate. They believe Deaf people could not hold a decent job. They can't drive a car or buy a house and be able to maintain it. Deaf people could not get married and have a family of their own. They can't do a simple task as running a check stand or returning a product back to its place on the shelf at a store where they work. Time after time, I've been neglected because of what people think of me, and time after time, I feel like quitting and go and do something I will regret. And yet, I'm still hanging on to that tiny shimmer of hope that one day the world will finally wake up and realize that Deaf people can do everything and anything they want. So like the song, I'm just waiting on the world to change because I cannot change it on my own.

If it had not been for my relationship with Christ, I would have been a bitter person, hating the world for hating me, for neglecting me and calling me worthless. I would have hated the world for not giving me a chance to prove myself, to show others that I can do anything I want to do. I can drive a truck. I can write a book. I can solve the Rubik's cube. I can work a crossword puzzle. I can do anything. But Jesus tells us that we must love one another and we must be quick to forgive others for any wrongs they have committed against us. We must forgive them just as the Father forgave us through His son. This is a very difficult thing for us to do and there's nothing wrong with admitting it. I admit it's difficult but each time I finally was able to forgive someone, I get a tiny glimmer of understanding of why Jesus died on the cross. Love. You can't forgive someone without loving them, and you can't love someone without being able to forgive them. Jesus prayed and begged God to let the cup of suffering pass him but it wasn't Jesus' will to die, it was God's. And because Jesus loved his Father, he did was he was told to do. He forgave them just as we should forgive others. Without a moment's thought, we should forgive them.

I started out as a Lutheran and later changed to Baptist. Currently, I call myself non-denominational but I attend a Baptist church because that's where I'm most comfortable. I grew up with my mother interpreting for me. Even though my mother so desparately wanted me to know about God's love and who Jesus was, I never could understand or relate to anyone at church. I was "saved" when I was a baby, my head sprinkled with holy water at my dedication in the Lutheran church. But I never was saved. I didn't have Jesus in my heart. Deaf camp changed all that for me. When I was 9 years old, I went to the Deaf Christian youth camp in Leakey, Texas; way down south past San Antonio where all the land seems to flow and come to an abrupt end with hills so high and grass so green. I walked onto the campground and was greeted by the camp pastor, who was Deaf. I very much remember his name and his face, Scott Tankersley. That night, we had a worship service. At the end, Scott stood on the stage and asked that if anyone wanted to become saved, they should come forward. My mother, who was the caretaker for the camp staff's children who were too young to attend camp, looked at me but I shook my head, as if to say "Not yet." The following night, Scott ended the night service with an invitation. My mother looked at me again, and I hesitantly shook my head. I was not ready just yet. On the third night, when Scott stood up there once again and asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus into their hearts, I practically lept from my seat and ran down the aisle and in an instant, I was a new person. I was baptized in the river that ran through the campground. My mother bought a bible from the gift shop and had it dedicated to me. I still have that bible somewhere and I still think about that day when I had the love of Christ in me. But years have passed and I became indifferent. I still didn't understand because I was too young. In high school, I hated everyone in school because they never talked to me or asked me to be a part of their group. I started to think that being Deaf was a bad thing. There was no Deaf church in Waco, just a small group of Deaf who meet at a church every Sunday morning. They were much older than me so I never felt connected to them. Then I graduated from high school and moved to Lubbock where I attended Texas Tech University in 2005. I went to a Deaf church there and became reconnected with the church again. There were others who had the same experiences as me and yet they had a positive attitude. I've always wondered why. Then I realized that it's because Jesus told them to love others. My thoughts on the world began to change and realized that people don't hate me because I'm deaf. They're just ignorant and they need to be taught about the Deaf culture. Our job is to represent the Deaf community and work to prove that I am a product of God's love, not a defect. I am a child of the Everlasting One and I am loved by the creator of the universe, who knew my name long before I was born, He who placed the stars in their positions and gave them each a name, He who made the world and all living things, He who made the wind and tells it where to go, He who makes the oceans rumble and stills it with a wave of His hand, He who planted the seed of every blade of grass and every mighty oak, He who sent His Son to love the world just as He loved us. We all are given a choice. But only one will end in everlasting joy, the other in pain and despair.

Society, you're a crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me.

Eddie Vedder must be onto something when he wrote that song. It has been a mainstay in my mind ever since this song showed up on the movie "Into the Wild." After seeing so many things lately, it has finally inspired me enough to sit down and write about it.

The world today is a mess. I know many people say, "But you have to think positive and look at only the beautiful things in life." The only way you can acknowledge something as beautiful is if you have something ugly to look at and compare. C.S. Lewis once said:

 "My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"

There are beautiful things in this world and they are only accentuated by the mess we live in. A tree swaying in the breeze with sunlight peeking through the branches, a little girl laughing on the swing while her father pushes her, an elderly couple holding hands while walking to the store from their car. Those things we rarely notice because we're so busy digging ourselves out of debt or trying to achieve academic perfection. We don't stop and look around and because we don't, we call this world ugly and unfair. Awful things don't happen because the world is unfair and cruel. Awful things happen because we view them as awful, because we've experienced goodness and can tell the difference. How? Our feelings when we experience them. If you were speeding and you were pulled over, you probably would say that an awful thing has happened to you. You have to pay a fine and your reputation as a driver is tainted because it's on your record. That is an awful thing but only because you allowed it to happen. So what is truly the definition of an awful and unfair occurrence to a person? When they are not acknowledged as a beautiful creation of God, a statue molded into perfection in His eyes. When they sacrificed their lives, and other people blame each other for their deaths, making their deaths in vain. When they try and try to show the goodness of this world and they're smothered by people who look down on them as poor, uneducated, and unable. When a child of God tries to show His love and they are killed for it. When a small, innocent life is lost because of their parents' irresponsibility. Awfulness is the bad things that has happened to those who do not deserve it. Jesus Christ was an innocent person, free of sin, and sent to earth to show the goodness of God's love. He was treated with disrespect and was persecuted because of the things he said. Jesus was not a member of the society back then. He was considered a radical, with radical beliefs and untraditional methods. He criticized the bibical scholars and performed miracles that contradicted the Pharisee. He was not an angry person and never showed anger. He was not a wealthy man and never showed any desire for money or fame. He was not a conceited being and never thought of himself only in any situtation. He is what we all should become like. A person not of this world.

I've seen a lot of things in my short twenty-five years of living. I've seen enough to make any heart break. I've experienced a lot of frustration, not only as a Deaf person but in general. I've experienced problems with myself and the people around me, my family and my friends. There have been times where I felt like giving up on everything and just let the stones fall where they may and accept that as "the way of life." But those who feel the same don't need to feel this way. Those who feel different and out of place do not have to feel lonesome. God created us for this world but that's not the only plan He has for us. When the world fell into sin, He gave us a second chance to go to heaven. In order to get there, we have to accept Jesus as our personal Savior. We must look up to him and follow him, and most importantly, become like him. If Jesus was an outcast, a man different from the rest of society, what does that mean for us to become like him? Jesus was not of this world, and those who follow him are not either. We must be free from the grips of society, a greedful, angry, and unsatisfied germ, and join the brotherhood of Christ, who was a selfless, happy, and content man whose only desire was and still is for everyone to see God's face.


Society, you're a crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me.

Sorry, still can't hear ya. Now please stop snapping in my face.

Have you ever come across a moment in your life where you just want to stop yourself and smack your forehead, breathe in deeply, and silently pray for the ignorance of the person you just met? Mine just happened today.

My deafness was subtly labeled as a generational sin by a woman whom I have never met before in the parking lot of a grocery store. To make it even better, she asked if she could pray for me to be healed. After she took her hands off my ears, she snapped in my face and asked if I had been miraculously healed. A look of disappointment was plastered all over her face when I told her no. So what did she do? She prayed a second time, with her hand on the back of my neck. After snapping again, she asked if I had been healed. Again, I said no, I still cannot hear. Then she started her own monologue about Jesus' love and how our relationship with Him is so important and that to be healed, you must have tremendous faith. It was pretty startling to hear a stranger make a judgement against me about how my faith wasn't enough to heal me. So I said a little prayer for her and I dare not repeat what I said on here.

When the whole thing was over and I was walking away, I suddenly had a verse come up to mind that would most definitely put that woman in her place. I had recently posted it on Facebook and it was too late to turn around and go back to tell the woman. That verse comes from Psalm 139, which says: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God made each of us exactly the way He wants us to be, and being the perfectionist He is, He does not make mistakes.

"For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." Psalms 139:13, 15

"The LORD said to him, 'Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Is it not I, the LORD?'" Exodus 4:11


Christians, please don't make any assumptions that some people need healing. People are made according to a much higher plan that we will never be able to see nor comprehend. Accept God's will and allow them to show the mighty works He has planned for those who love Him.

Facebook is an abomination...but gosh, it's so addicting.

I deactivated my Facebook account yesterday. I realized I spend too much time on there. After I deactivated, I noticed myself reaching for my phone to check my Facebook at least 20 times since yesterday. It's amazing how a little thing such as that can consume so much for time and take the focus off the more important things in life. After I post a status, I noticed myself checking it every 5 minutes to see if someone liked it or commented on it. I was disgusted with myself at how self-centered I'd become. So I decided that I need a break from the virtual world and become more involved with the real world. This doesn't mean I'm quitting for good but I just won't exist on there for a week or 2, if not more. Hopefully, this will help me break some bad habits I've developed over the years. My phone is in danger of going in exile but I'll be keeping it around for a little bit longer so people can get in touch with me.

So, be sure to look up at least once in a while and view the world around you. Don't take life for granted because sooner or later, our time on earth will run out. Make the best of every minute that is given to you so you will have fewer regrets. I challenge you to leave your phone in your car for one day when you're at work or school, and see the huge difference between being dependent on technology and having technology depend on you.

Hot dogs with mustard and a dabble of boredom, please

I've been eating a lot of hot dogs lately, and washing them down with old lemonade from a 5 gallon cooler. Like my meals, my summer has been pretty consistent. Some days I'll be productive, some days I just stay home and think up plans for building a better minnow trap. Yeah, my life is pathetic right now.

Now that my first semester at Baylor is over, it's time to move on to the next best thing; a job. I've been searching everywhere and applied to every part-time position I can think of that will comply with my fall schedule. So far, I haven't received a single call from any of the places I applied to; which begs the question, why put up an ad for a job if they're not gonna hire? So I'm thinking I may have to stoop down to the bottom of the bucket of chicken, where all the fried bits of nothingness rests in a puddle of peanut oil that nobody wants to eat. I try to avoid the food service industry, given my experience of working in a grocery store and a short stint I had packing tomatoes in boxes. But it seems that it's the only option that's left. Perhaps if I find a job at a pizza place or Wing Stop, the leftover food at the end of the day may help me feel better about the situation.

That's all I'm up to right now. Peace out.